Giving Back to Live Well when we Retire
It is in giving that we receive – St. Francis of Assisi
I am retired and so in my minds eye these words are primarily directed to an older audience. However, since we all [hopefully] get old, what you read here may also be of interest to younger [read below 60] readers. Right now I am on a short holiday with my wife who is still working. At the moment she is on a zoom call for work – although it is supposed to be her vacation time – just a normal event for people in the working world. When we work, whether at the office or factory or farm or managing the home & kids we are needed, we are wanted, we feel useful, we have meaning and purpose, we help and are, in turn, helped. Yes, it can often be too busy, but I have found boredom and isolation a more damaging state of being. When we are young most of us are connected to the world and others. But for many that completely changes when we retire: many of us do not feel useful; either we barely make ends meet or entertain and distract ourselves with expensive holidays in far away places. Either way, we are sometimes isolated and some of us feel useless and have no purpose and perhaps, deep down, recognize that all the “fun” we are having is not really that satisfying. If that describes what you feel deep inside, this reflection is for you.
Perhaps it is because I am older that I have this feeling inside me. I need to add an important twist to the question now avoid you running away because I suggested that the word “fun” was a bad thing [sorry about that]. What I am trying to say is that there is a type of “fun” that is more satisfying and rewarding than merely golfing and going to fancy restaurants all day [although doing this a bit is fantastic]. To be clear – if you are completely satisfied and happy with your life and see no need to explore the idea that “giving to receive” can add joy to our life – stop reading now for you probably have something better to do. However if you like questions without good answers, continue on dear reader. By “fun” I mean living in reciprocity with others and the world: you give first and then in turn receive, not because you want more, but because that is how LIFE is.
Here is another way of asking the question that puzzles us today: How can I, how can you, continue to make our lives worth living by remaining connected, especially to younger people? How can we feel useful? How can we find a reason to roll of bed in the morning? How can we give so that we can receive – receive the greatest gift of all – a life well lived, a life without regrets? So there is the question; sadly do not have THE answer for you – because I do not believe there is only one answer. There is an answer for you, another answer for me, and yet another answer for your best friend. So there is an answer – the problem is you have to find it. I cannot do that for you, your friend or spouse cannot find it for you, although they can help. They can certainly tell you if you are being grumpy and negative or narcissistic or isolating yourself or if you are an unceasing complainer or other myriad pitfalls that befall us when we get older. All I can be certain of is that if you don’t ask how you can GIVE when you are older you will never have the joyful experience of receiving that sense of purpose and being needed that you had when you were younger. Quite frankly, its in your self-interest to give because otherwise you never receive.
Now of course I don’t mean you will receive money or things or fame or fortune. I mean that you will receive what you need to age gracefully: that is, respect and gratitude from those younger who have benefitted from your attention and generosity that you did not have to give. They know you could have chosen to spend your money or time or wisdom with other older people. You could have looked at the state of the world ecosystem or the unfortunate increase in mental health challenges among the young and proclaimed: “The world is going to hell in a hand basket!” or other such unhelpful nonsense. Now we have come to the important and contradictory bit for today: Saying and repeating, especially to younger people [for me that means anybody younger than 60] “The world is going to hell in a hand basket!” is about as cruel and insensitive and unhelpful as yet truthful as you can get – that is, if you are looking at what’s wrong instead of what’s right.
And that finally brings us to the final challenge of getting older gracefully: how we face our own mortality. Many of my older and lovely friends are seeing only what’s wrong and not what’s right in the world – and they are usually “right” – in the harsh intellectual sense of the word. What I am suggesting that if you and I shift our perspective to “it is in giving that we receive” suddenly this way of judging the state of the world and others which is focussed on what is “wrong” is itself “wrong” – wrong in that is not helpful or life giving or adding you’re your lifespan or health in any. Furthermore, sticking your head in the sand and focussing on having fun before you kick the bucket is not exactly inspiring either.
At 101 years old, I’m the ‘world’s oldest practicing doctor’: My No. 1 rule for keeping your brain sharp
I’ve been a practicing doctor and neurologist for more than seven decades. And at 101 years old, people often ask me how I keep my brain sharp. Good genes and a bit of luck can give you a head start, but there is one principle I live by that anyone can implement: Keep your mind engaged through work, social and entertainment activities.
As we age, we go through natural changes that affect our mental processing abilities. Some areas of the brain may shrink, communication between neurons may become less effective, and blood flow may decrease. But like any other muscle in the body, our mind needs consistent exercise to thrive. I use three daily rituals to boost my brain health.
- I go to work and volunteer and continue to learn new skills
- I stay social
- I read for entertainment
So what I am trying to say? Use whatever energy and time and money and wisdom you have left and share it with those younger than you. Inspire them. Be eccentric in the kindest way possible. When you see a mistake, turn into a positive learning moment. When your daughter or neighbour needs some help, help them, to the best of your ability [which I admit for some of us isn’t that much, but that’s OK]. See the cup ½ full instead of ½ empty. Support them when they feel overwhelmed by climate chaos news and high price of food and housing. Help them emotionally and financially [if you can] to “climate proof” their life and experience true gratitude in the gift of being alive. Feel, deep in your bones, that who you are includes those around me, for just as much as you influence others, they influence you. If you think this is only a metaphor, think twice:
The individuals who live with us have an influence on the composition of our microbiome. The effect of other people’s microbes can have serious consequences on human health and diseases. Through social connections, the society in which we are born and live can define our personal identity, while also influencing our physiological and mental well-being.
So, even if its only your microbes and your smile, it is absolutely certain that you get to choose in making this saying a reality:
It is in giving that we receive
References
https://www.cnbc.com/2023/08/09/i-am-101-years-old-and-the-worlds-oldest-practicing-doctor-my-no-1-tip-for-keeping-your-brain-sharp.html
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