Is Much of the Male Aggression we See really a form of Depression?
Have you ever felt so frustrated and pent up that even the slightest thing sets you off? Have you ever felt on the verge of rage – rage so extreme that defies words but combines anger, frustration, sadness, anxiety, “stressed out” and edginess? You may not have an anger management problem, you may be severely depressed.
Here is an example from a recent example of male rage I had. Recently I was at a Tim Horton`s in Casselman where I was dropping off my nephew who had been staying with us who had to return to Quebec because of Ontario lockdown. My brother in law from Quebec parked beside me. A few minutes later a male French Canadian, but resident of Casselman, who had parked early beside my car, started cursing and swearing at my Anglo brother in law [Quebec plates] with lots of 4 letter words telling him to go back home where he belonged, calling him a “maudit Frenchman” – which was amusing as he had a strong French accent! We could do nothing except not react, step away, and let him drive away to the smell of burning rubber.
Here is another local example from a friend. “This morning, as usual, I went for a long walk in the beautiful park along the river. As I was approaching my home, knowing I was going to meet people, I put on my mask. Then I saw a dog coming towards me, a very gruff looking dog, who looked like it had been beaten from time to time by a drunken brute. I was not wrong, for behind came his master fitting the portrait exactly. He came right up to my face, screaming at me: Why do you wear a mask? Obviously I had no response, but in my head I said: “Because I am a well-educated lady.” I will spare you the Trumpian/aggressive four letter words he screamed at me, which were interspersed between his rant against Biden, Bill Gates, doctors, pharmacy (he forgot the Chinese) who were all killing humanity. Finally, he told me my mask would kill me while foaming at the mouth (maybe he was rabid?) My only regret was not being a 250 pound man who could have reduced his face to pulp. This is what polarisation does: it brings up at the surface the worst of our emotions. He left looking for another victim, followed by his poor dog, who I would love to rescue [the dog, not the man!]. I tell you that because I know that those networks of hatred and crazies are under the surface of our lovely quiet Ottawa. I tell you that because I am not sure that the cluster of criminals and idiots that Trump has managed to help become even a greater threat to our civil society is a solely American phenomenon and is going to pass. I am horrified as I understand this unravelling of the male psyche is happening everywhere.”
The behaviours above can be seen as a result of a societal wide disintegration of the common social body, caused by loss of opportunity, massive income disparity, Trump, and the nail in the coffin – Covid-19, which has severed the final fragile threads holding our communities together. So, now that we see the problem we need to find the cause, so that we can find the proper solution for this social disease. With that in mind, while understanding that Robber Baron Capitalism and Trump’s world view are certainly a cause [4, The ‘Shared Psychosis’ of Donald Trump and His Loyalists] there is probably also a deeper, fundamentally human cause that we need to address that goes far deeper than today’s politics: it is our deep, existential loneliness and depression that results. Here then is a bit about, specifically, male depression because they seem to be more violent about their response to this social illness.
Men and women both experience depression but their symptoms can be very different. Because men who are depressed may appear to be angry or aggressive instead of sad, their families, friends, and even their doctors may not always recognize the anger or aggression as depression symptoms. In addition, men are less likely than women to recognize, talk about, and seek treatment for depression. Yet depression affects a large number of men. Some common depression symptoms include [1]: Anger, irritability, or aggressiveness
- Feeling anxious, restless, or “on the edge”
- Feeling sad, “empty,” flat, or hopeless
- Inability to meet the responsibilities of work, caring for family, or other important activities
- Engaging in high-risk activities – A need for alcohol or drugs
Further evidence of this comes from a 2015 population study in Sweden found that people diagnosed with depression were roughly three times more likely than the general population to commit violent crimes including robbery, sexual offenses, and assault. [3]
There is a lot of research on how men respond differently than women to trauma. Here is an interesting insight. Gender Differences in Depression and Anxiety Among Victims of Intimate Partner Violence Results showed that gender moderated the association between physical and psychological victimization and health outcomes, such that victimization was related to increased depressive and anxious symptoms for men but not for women. [2]
So what can we do? On a personal level, if you are angry or know somebody who is angry try to help them find help or talk with them about possible depression. At a societal level, as this quote makes clear [4], we need to have a society where there are no “haves” and “have nots”:
“Violence is the end product of a long process, so prevention is key. Structural violence, or inequality, is the most potent stimulant of behavioral violence. And reducing inequality in all forms—economic, racial and gender—will help toward preventing violence”
If you are interested take a look at this short video which makes the case that our entire society is abnormal, in that humanities “normal’ social structure is all about cooperation and being social, not competitive and individual. [5] This blog on Human Flourishing is a resource to make this idea real [6]. I wish you all the best as you try to stop punching the wall like this young man below because you are so angry without realizing that you are actually depressed. If you are, find a friend and talk.
References
- https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/men-and-depression/index.shtml
- https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0886260510372949
- https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lanpsy/article/PIIS2215-0366(14)00128-X/fulltext
- https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-shared-psychosis-of-donald-trump-and-his-loyalists/
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oj9Io2doJOU
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/human-flourishing-0
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